Conflict Resolution / What to do when you find out how much you suck as a Clinic team leader

Clinic is a mighty beast. For some with the right combination of luck and skill, it can be a fantastically challenging thing, perfectly suited to their level of expertise. The problem is technical enough that it appeals to them as engineers and yet contains enough breadth to pretend like it's a full engineering project (which it is). For others, it can be just the wrong problem at the wrong time. Like the homework solution that seems to elude you even after hours of constant struggle or the test problem that seems ever just out of your reach.

My clinic project seems to have been both. At times it feels more the former, and at other times more the latter. Today it feels like more the latter.

Even before I took over as team leader I knew I would have big shoes to fill. The previous team leader, Raffi Attarian, is a stellar engineer and an experienced project manager. His leadership during our first semester took what could easily have been a flaming fireball of hell and breathed life into it. He was meticulous, tireless, and had a knack for thinking about things from every angle.

But it feels like I don't have those skills. Even with what I would consider three years of fantastic leadership training with ROTC I still seem to be dropping the ball. Two weeks ago I scheduled a site visit and only today do I realize (at Raffi's prompt) that I don't know what we're going to do when we get there. How could I not have thought that through? That feels like project management 101! And this came on top of a particularly challenging week for our project where it feels like we've been cornered into a difficult project with no easy way out.

So certain people expressed their disappointment/disapproval over the way I have been handling things. All in all I agree with them. But while accepting it is a big step, it doesn't make it all go away. Now I have the even harder task of constantly accepting those failings while working to correct them.

Along the way I may take criticism from those around me. They may not let me forget so quickly my past mistakes. On some levels it is their right to voice their concerns. I have to have a thick skin, an open mind, and an undaunted spirit to continue where it seems only failure lives.

And I must redouble my efforts to fix what has come undone around me. No, this does not necessarily mean I work twice as hard. It does mean I need to progress twice as much but to do that I have to follow what I've been taught:

1) Assess the situation

2) Create an appropriate plan

3) Execute that plan with fervor

4) Repeat

Here's hoping that I don't make the same mistake twice. That I can do some good this semester on this clinic team. That the leadership mistakes I make in the future never cost me the life of a soldier.